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 Help to not dwell on loving best friend
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June Whitaker

2 Posts

Posted - 07/13/2008 :  7:34:33 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
I am looking for a hypnotist who can help me stop believing I am in love with my best friend (my best friend is a man, I'm a woman but it's established that it will never go anywhere romantic). The friendship is too special to give up but the feelings are too intense for me to handle. I know its a bizarre request but I don't have enough time to indulge in lengthy therapy over a very simple problem. (I'm a single mom with excessive work hours).
If this were anyone else, I would put distance between us, and try to date other people if I encountered someone else, but I can't put distance between us. He is a father figure to my children and an intricate part of our lives; We're an intricate part of his as well and i don't think it would be fair to him or my kids to destroy this friendship over feelings that are in my mind alone.
I have no question about why I feel this way right now, I just want relief from these feelings, just enough to open myself up to someone else.
He and I are so close that other people think we're married; people invite us to social events together; people confront us when they find out and ask why we're not together. He and I complete each other sentences, listen to the same music, watch the same movies and books, and spend hours together, laughing histerically. We have bizzare idiosynchronsies that I have found in noone else. Weve been there for each other for breakups, moving houses, physical injuries and illnesses. Where we differ, its almost always in a complimentary way and he is the first thing I think of when I wake up and the las t when I fall asleep. He is not especially attractive and is not physically my type, but he makes me melt inside and when I'm unhappy or scared, he is the first and only person I want to talk to. He is the guy the girl ends up with at the end of the stupid teenage movie. I would do anything for him, including respecting his wishes to not want a romantic relationship with me, whatever his reasons are, which is the only thing we don't talk about- his reasons. A person is free to be attracted to whomever he wishes, I just don't want a summary of what is wrong with me...since I just don't think there is anything (major) wrong with me.
To be fair to me, I deserve to be with someone, even if it isnt as perfect as this, and that person deserves for me to not be in love with someone else, should I find someone new...but in the meanwhile, I need to not live with this empty longing. I think there should be a suggestion that can help, and maybe other positive changes in my life can make up the difference.


724 Posts

Posted - 07/14/2008 :  11:20:09 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote


I do not believe hypnosis will give you long term benefit with this. It is possible, but sort of unlikely, that you would even get short term benefit.

From your post, you have a LOT of emotional connection with this man in positive and emotionally healthy ways. To take that away from you would almost be unconscionable anyway....

Men don't tend to have friendships with women they are not attracted to. Just an opinion: Dig into the reason he has for not wanting more. It may be uncomfortable, but I think it would resolve things for you. The unknowing will keep your mind working and the emotions spinning. Knowing an answer, whatever the answer may be, may help you deal with this.

Patrick Glancy, BCH

Patrick Glancy, CI, BCH
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June Whitaker

2 Posts

Posted - 07/16/2008 :  9:51:26 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote

Thank you for your kind and thoughtful words. I have thought about your statements over the past few days, including the idea that it would be unscionable to take this away.
I'm going to proceed to look for someone in the area who can do this , even if for minimal and temporary relief.
Love isn't supposed to hurt, it is not supposed to make one feel empty inside, or make them dislike themselves. How I feel is clearly unhealthy.
I am not considering forgetting memories we've shared or even that I felt this way, just the affliction of loving him in a way that he is free to not return...I'm a 35 yr old woman with a crush. Worse, I have spoken to him about it and he falls short of saying why he doesn't want more...he's not physically attracted to me, which is a very hard blow for any woman, because we're wired to care about how attractive we are.
I've avoided the rare opportunities afforded to me to go out with other people because I'd rather be with him. I'm going to die alone waiting for him to come around if I can't modify my behaviors and thinking...it's not romantic at all but sad and depraved.
Love is indeed rare and there is a part of me that wants him to know i would go to thses extremes, but I want his happiness even more, guilt free from worries of any unhappiness he mave have inadvertantly caused me.

blessings be bountiful to you,

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