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 Fear of death in childhood.
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yvesfra

6 Posts

Posted - 04/27/2013 :  6:42:14 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Thanks to open this post and take the time to read it.

First of all, I would like to say that I use hypnosis only to help friend and relatives, it is not my job.

I would like to detail the problem I face, so may be I get some help. I am a french man (sorry for my English) married to a Greek citizen. We are living in Greece. My wife is a business woman very busy, so I barely raise our little girl alone.

My wife see her on Sunday and 1 or 2 hours maximum in the evening. Due to the well known problems here in Greece, my wife and I decide that I will leave Greece to get back in France to find a job or start a new business, then my family will come later in France.

This was the plan, I had to leave in November 2012. Due to a small problem, we had to cancel it and report it after Christmas. We didn't tell anything to our baby girl, waiting we decide the departure date to tell her that I will have to leave.

In late November, our baby girl (5 year old) understand that I will have to leave for some months. She understand it alone, probably from some sentences she catch from our conversations. This was a huge mistake. From this moment, she start to have a lot of problems:

1/ She refused to move in the house if we wasn't with her.

2/ She refused to sleep if we wasn't both of us with her. Before she was sleeping alone in her bedroom.

3/ She get very afraid before to sleep, and told us that she ear a voice inside her head that say *You will die, you won't die*

4/ She get very very concerned about death of loving ones, speak about it very often and fear it. She is asking question like :* Ok, the soul go to the sky, but what will happen to the remaining body?*.

5/ She get suddenly also very concerned about religion, telling us that we have to believe because the Christ die but resurrect, and crying if we don't say *Yes, we believe*. Now that it is Easter here in Greece, she told us that she love the red color because remind her the color of the Christ's blood, and so on. Me and my wife are not practicing religion, neither speaking about it. She get the knowledge from her grand-mother and also probably at school and it look like it become an obsession.

Obviously, we cancel the plan and I stay in Greece.

I manage to solve the point 1, 2 and 3 with hypnosis.

Now, she is really really better. I search this site and also over Internet but I cannot find how I can help her concerning the point 3 and 4.

Note that we don't have TV at home (so she cannot see death on news, movies...) and she only see DVD like winnie the pooh, mickey and so on.

Any help will be welcomed. Thank you very much is advance. Yves.

andrea15

United Kingdom
72 Posts

Posted - 04/28/2013 :  5:14:08 PM  Show Profile  Visit andrea15's Homepage  Reply with Quote
It's difficult to answer without meeting your daughter and your family. Carefully constructing metaphorical stories that represents what you believe is causing the fear or disturbance would be something to try. You will know it is hitting the mark if she asks for it. I would imagine (but can't be sure) that she needs to feel secure and maybe it was not just the separation but the stress that led to the need for it and generally the atmosphere in the country.
Children of that age pick up on atmospheres and also respond well to metaphorical stories.
It is not ideal for advice to be given in this way and it would always be best to consult a professional. If you cannot be very careful with the wording of your story.
Good luck

Andrea Lowe
Hypnotherapist/analyst, NLP Practitioner and trainer
www.AndreaLoweHypnotherapy.co.uk
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yvesfra

6 Posts

Posted - 05/01/2013 :  09:26:21 AM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
quote:
[i]You will know it is hitting the mark if she asks for it.

Thanks, great advice.


quote:
[i]generally the atmosphere in the country.

Yes, sure, people are totaly disoriented here, no one feel safe, how a child can feel safe....


quote:
[i]It would always be best to consult a professional.

To 'give the mind' of my child to someelse, I am not ready for that. As far as we know, hypnosys in greece is something very uncommon, so it is quite impossible to get report on practionner, if he is good or not.

Thank you very much for your reply

Edited by - yvesfra on 05/01/2013 09:27:52 AM
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yvesfra

6 Posts

Posted - 05/02/2013 :  2:11:26 PM  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
I am trying to create a story to explain death and "life after death" to my little baby girl (5yo old).

I will not follow the christian way because the idea of super powered Santa Claus on top of us that has a list who's been naughty or nice always look fictional to me. (no offense, the idea that I will develop in this story have no proven base too and hence are also fictional)

It will be the story of a little girl. Her favorite aunt die from a sickness that doesn't exist where the little girl live but the aunt catch it very very far away from there.

I am thinking to write it in five steps (or chapters)

Step 1: after a while, the sad little girl meet a strange but very nice old man that teach her what is death with the use of the comparison between the blind caterpillar and the butterfly. It is not because the caterpillar cannot see the butterfly that it isn't there and still alive.

Step 2: The next day the same very nice old man Introduce the idea that if she cannot see with her aunt with her eyes, she can see with her love/hearth/soul (not decided yet). I am thinking also that the old man help her to meet her aunt, telling the little gitl to grab his hand and close her eyes. (There is such script that work like a charm, I tried them many time. Is it true or is it a dream, I don't know but it helped some buddies)

Step 3: Next day again, the very nice old man is here again. I would like, here, to introduce the idea that the soul of the loved one will be always here for her. I thinking to associate it with a loved object in some way.

Step 4: Here, I can describe the little girl's new happy daily life now that she has learn from the old man.

Step 5 and final: I am thinking that the very nice old man will answer to some remaining question:
One of them will be what we do with the remaining body of the decease one? I am thinking to take the example of snow white but to precise that this state is definitive.


QUESTION 1:
I don't know if I should describe the death of the aunt. Something like: without pain or fear she close her eyes...

Or if it is better that the little girl learn the death from her mother?

QUESTION 2:
Who is the very nice and helpful old man? I am thinking that at the end, he reveal his identity: He is the Death, he is not bad, neither an enemy or an end, only a door to the next level of life. But I am not sure if it is a good idea.

Thanks again for your time. I understand that each child is different and it is probably impossible to say if it is a good story for my child or not. But if you can give me general guide line based of what I am thinking of, it will be a lot appreciated.







Edited by - yvesfra on 05/02/2013 2:16:58 PM
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andrea15

United Kingdom
72 Posts

Posted - 05/12/2013 :  5:02:46 PM  Show Profile  Visit andrea15's Homepage  Reply with Quote
i would stay be more abstract and talk about something much less related to fact. Try a flower or something like that. You must be very careful or find a story book about losing a favourite toy for instance.that you can read to her instead.

Try to work on the idea that less is more. Trying to do the things you suggest is a lot for a little girl to cope with and you could make matter much worse.

Read books about Milton Erikson and metaphors.

The idea is that something easily managemable is introduced to form a neuro pathway to enable the client/patient/little girl to better deal with their problem.

Before you attempt anything p[lease do a lotof research as I said before you could create a bigger problem.

Andrea Lowe
Hypnotherapist/analyst, NLP Practitioner and trainer
www.AndreaLoweHypnotherapy.co.uk
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